


A Night to Remember

by Alice_h



Series: A Place of Our Own [9]
Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Drama, F/F, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kidnapping, Past Drug Addiction, Threats of Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:14:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22129282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alice_h/pseuds/Alice_h
Summary: "Love her? Adora, Catra is not the person you think she is. What you love is a falsehood, a disguise she puts on so that she won't end up alone. If you knew who she really was.."When Adora fails to show for dinner with Glimmer and Bow, Catra panics. Her worst fears are realised when she finds out that her old gang boss, Hordak, has taken her girlfriend hostage. With a huge secret revealed that could change their relationship forever, it is a night neither of them could ever forget.
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Series: A Place of Our Own [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1511849
Comments: 88
Kudos: 128





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, let's start the 2020 fics off with a bang - literally!
> 
> There are going to be a lot of difficult topics covered over the course of this one, but as always I will put content warnings for that chapter in the notes. For this one, there is gun violence at the start, there's also moderate violence and depictions of PTSD if those are issues.
> 
> Enjoy!

“DECIDE, ADORA!” Hordak shouted inches from her ear, making her flinch with every syllable, “Will you give up your own life for this scum, or should I shoot your lying, murdering girlfriend?”

“I…”

“DECIDE! NOW! WHO DIES?!”

“Don’t...” she didn’t want to see Catra killed, even though it felt like she didn’t recognise her girlfriend anymore.

The man pressed the gun to the blonde’s head, staring through Catra, “Say goodbye to Adora, snitch.”

“Hordak! No!”

A single shot rang out, swiftly followed by a dreadful silence where time seemed to stop for Catra. She watched in horror as her girlfriend and her former gang leader both fell backward, hitting the floor with a dull thud.

“ADORA!”

* * *

**_Catra & Adora’s Apartment, three hours earlier_ **

“I might beeeeee…. falling and I’m feeling free-e-eeee,” Adora danced around her bedroom, clutching a hairbrush that she sang into, “You and me, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. Ohhhh, cause baby nothing’s gonna break your heart and you know that, baby, nothing’s gonna break your heart!”

It was shaping up to be a great evening. Glimmer had invited her, Catra and Bow to a restaurant to celebrate one year of sobriety and to show her appreciation for their support during that time. But Adora had news of her own to share too, and she could not wait. Joy was an emotion that had not featured in her life nearly enough over the last couple of years, but today felt like a turning point. It was as though the future they had never thought possible was finally starting to happen.

She had the entire afternoon to herself to get ready. Catra was at work and would meet them at the restaurant, so Adora could take as much time as she wanted to look her best. After taking a shower, she sat down at the dressing table in their bedroom to put on make-up. Usually, Adora’s make up routine was 30 seconds of eyeliner, but for the posh meal she would be attending later, she wanted to go all out. Setting out all the cosmetics she owned, Adora spent almost forty-five minutes applying everything she could think of until she was finally happy with her look. Next, a rummage through her wardrobe to find the perfect outfit. A couple of ‘maybe’s were soon discarded when her hand happened upon a red dress. It was one she had brought years ago for her university’s end-of-year ball, and it went down very well there. Adora found that it still fitted her perfectly, and rounded her outfit off with a thin cardigan.

“Watch out, world. Adora is coming for you!” a glance in the mirror boosted her confidence – she looked incredible, even by her own stringent standards. She quickly snapped a picture and sent it to Catra, knowing how much her girlfriend would appreciate a little pick-me-up after work, then tossed her phone onto the bed as she put the finishing touches to her look. She wanted the evening to be perfect: with Glimmer’s big milestone and her exciting news, tonight would be something they wouldn’t forget in a hurry.

* * *

Spotting the one remaining single seat on the bus as she boarded, Catra scanned her pass and made straight for it. She was lucky to have made it – Glimmer’s scheduling meant she had to sprint out of work and get the bus straight there. There was no time to go home and change, although she probably would have worn something similar to the red long-sleeved top and leggings she had on anyway. It was a good look on her, and neat enough for a posh restaurant in her opinion.

She took her phone from her bag, struggling to keep her jaw from dropping when she saw the picture Adora had sent her. Stunning was not the word – her girlfriend looked amazing. Grinning to herself and gently biting her lip, she responded with a very suggestive message about skipping dinner and going straight for dessert. While she waited for an answer, Catra flicked through social media and the latest news headlines. Nothing particularly unusual – people sharing rubbish, politicians sniping at each other, the world going to shit and-

“What the...?” her entire body froze as she scrolled down and saw the picture accompanying an article. It was Lonnie’s face.

**Gang Members Charged**

_Three members of a prolific drug gang were today charged with drug offences after an undercover sting. Lonnie Williams, 24, Kyle Jackson, 23, and Rogelio De Souza, 25, have been charged with a total of 18 offences. If convicted, they could each face up to 15 years in prison. They are thought to have been members of ‘The Horde’ a gang well known for drug dealing, which is believed to have been behind numerous instances of gang violence in the city._

_Chief Inspector of Etheria Police, John Carlyle, said in a statement that the arrests “are the culmination of six months of undercover operations. We hope that this will send a message that we will not tolerate drugs on the streets of our city and will take decisive action to prosecute those who involve themselves with illegal drugs.” He went on to confirm that the gang’s leader, known only as ‘Hordak’ has not been located, but further operations are under way to bring him to justice as well._

_The trial begins next week._

Catra began to zone out, staring at the screen, as her memories of Lonnie were stirred up. She could feel her arm beginning to shake, a result of the fear she felt rising inside herself. The sensation of being so afraid confused her – Lonnie was locked up awaiting trial, there was no chance they would ever cross paths again, so why did she feel scared? She was on a bus surrounded by people, the terror of being alone, powerless, with Lonnie was in the past, so why was her breathing shallow? Why were tears coming to her eyes?

She put her phone away, focusing her attention on the information display in the bus. Four stops to go. Catra remembered a few tricks she had learnt from her counsellor to try and prevent this sort of thing and put them into action.

_Breathe in, 2… 3… 4. Hold. Out, 2… 3… 4… 5… 6. In, 2… 3… 4. Hold. Out, 2… 3… 4… 5… 6._

By the time she reached her stop, she was still quite shaky, but her breathing had returned to normal and the fear had subsided slightly. There was still a hint of irritation that her past could still do things like that to her – she wanted to move beyond it, to stop it having the power to bring her crashing down. Catra stepped onto the pavement, her legs trembling so much that she almost fell over.

Steadying herself against the wall of a building, she took some more deep breaths and concentrated on her surroundings to ground herself. In a way, Catra felt almost embarrassed. What happened with Lonnie was almost 18 months ago, and she was pretty sure that Adora and her friends believed it was over and done with. To some extent it was – in the last year, Catra had barely thought about Lonnie, and she wasn’t scared of being alone at night like she had been in the weeks after the attack. She truly thought she had put it all to bed, but today, seeing that picture – it had sparked something in her that sent her mind and body into overdrive.

It took Catra several minutes to calm herself enough to walk again. She had to force herself to think about seeing Glimmer at the restaurant – what would they all be wearing, what would be on the menu, every tiny detail of the evening – just so her mind wouldn’t wander back to Lonnie. Her first few steps were a little wobbly, but by the time she approached the brightly lit entrance to the restaurant, she was almost back to normal. Roughly brushing her hair back with a hand, Catra took a deep breath and pushed the door open.

* * *

“Wow, looking hot!” Mermista couldn’t take her eyes off Adora as the blonde girl passed her on the stairs of their building, “Got a date?”

They both paused briefly to chat, “Glimmer invited us out for a meal. I’ve been looking forward to this for weeks - and I’ve also got some big news to tell them.”

“You’re finally telling them you’re gay?”

“Better than that!” Adora laughed, “But I want to tell them first before anyone else. Anyway, I gotta run. See you around, Mermista.”

She continued running down the stairs, pushing the front door open and stepping into the warm air outside. Though it was evening, the muggy heat of the day still hung around. Being near the coast, the humidity often made hot days unbearable, the air becoming thick with warmth. As she ambled through the parking area, head full of how her friends would react to her news, she noticed a man leant against the wall. He had a distinctly weird aura around him, and it made Adora feel a little intimidated. He must have been well over six feet tall and had a rakishly thin figure. Combined with his pale complexion, he looked almost sickly, like a malnourished child. A mop of scraggly hair adorned the top of his head, part of which had been dyed blue.

“Hey, miss, you got a light?” he asked, holding up a cigarette. His voice was deep and strangely calming, but that didn’t abate any of the oppression his mere presence provided.

“No, sorry,” she mumbled, picking up her pace a little. There was some relief when she looked back and saw that he hadn’t moved, but she still wanted to play it safe by messaging Catra. Just in case the worst happened. Adora reached for her phone, panicking when she felt nothing. She patted herself down and rummaged through her bag but came up short.

“Oh, damn,” she hissed to herself, remembering that she’d put it on the bed while she was getting ready. She turned back, heading towards the apartment block at a quicker pace than usual to try and make up the time she would lose by having to return home.

“Hey, can I come in too?” the weird man appeared behind her again as she went to open the door. Adora tried to maintain a calm outward appearance, knowing that he would pick up on nervousness. She’d learnt in one of those high school assemblies that making eye contact often puts attackers off, so she stared him down, hoping he would know that she could easily identify him again if the worst happened.

“Sorry, I don’t know you,” she replied firmly, an attempt to be assertive, “Please can you stand back?”

“That’s true, you don’t know me…” the man stepped even closer to her, “But I know you, Adora.”

Adora tried to run the moment she heard the first syllable of her name leave his mouth but didn’t manage a single step before she felt a strong arm wrap around her neck. Every shallow breath she tried to take failed to make it past the man’s grip and it wasn’t long before the world around her began to fade, her oxygen-starved brain shutting down and sending Adora into an unconscious void.


	2. Protection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Catra, Bow and Glimmer meet at the restaurant, Adora finds out the identity of her attacker

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooh yes, it's time! Adora is about to have a very bad evening...
> 
> There are a few content warnings for this chapter. If you're not bothered by any of these, skip ahead as there are minor spoilers. If you are, read on and find out what to expect:
> 
> Violence/threat - there is strong violence and threats of violence against a defenceless person to interrogate them  
> Self harm - a character's scars are pointed out and mocked  
> Suicide - a brief mention of how a character's death could be staged to look like suicide (including a short, non-graphic mention of method)  
> Alcohol/Drugs - brief mentions of alcohol and drugs, including reference to death by overdose. A character smokes.

“Wow, Glimmer! This place is nice!” Bow spotted his friend talking to the host as soon as he walked into the restaurant. He knew she wanted to take them somewhere upscale, but having the door opened for him and his jacket taken by a friendly young man was his first clue that this was going to be beyond anything he expected. The modern grey and black interior, subtly lit from the sides with blue neon lighting, just cemented his first impressions: This was a high-end establishment.

“Bow!” she beamed with happiness, “I’m glad you could make it. And yeah, I wanted to treat everyone because the three of you have been… Well, I’d probably be dead if it weren’t for you.”

“Well you’re not, so that’s good,” he laughed nervously, struck by how quickly the atmosphere had turned sombre, “I’m glad you’re here.”

Glimmer gently gripped his wrist, looking up with a warm smile and receiving one in return, “Thank you, Bow. Likewise.”

“Please, come this way,” the host held out an arm to indicate for both of them to follow him, leading them to a vacant table. Four places had been set out, using the most exquisite crockery and crystal glassware Bow had ever seen. They sat opposite each other, in the furthest seats from the door so that Catra and Adora wouldn't have to climb past them to sit down, and started to browse the menus they were handed.

“Would you like to see the wine list?”

Bow looked horrified at the suggestion, as though he feared that one simple question would be Glimmer’s undoing and she’d return to heavy drinking just because someone offered her wine at a restaurant. The young woman, conversely, just giggled, “No thanks. Can I get a lemonade?”

“Of course. And for you ma…uh… can I get you anything?”

“Uh, same please,” he spoke in the deepest voice he could muster, slightly rattled by the waiter’s confusion over what to call him. He had come to expect that not everyone would gender him correctly all the time, but it still knocked his confidence when it happened.

The waiter bowed slightly as he left, clearly embarrassed, “Thank you sir.”

Bow and Glimmer exchanged glances, the young man’s being tinged with disappointment and hers with sympathy. She knew things like that could easily get to him. Bow was a sensitive guy, and while that was generally a quality she admired, it had its drawbacks.

“Don’t worry about it,” she whispered. Their eyes met briefly, before Bow looked away, having spotted another of their friends arriving.

“Catra, hey!” he waved as she walked over. Her pale face and uneasy expression caught his eye almost immediately, “Wait, are you okay?”

She sat down next to Glimmer, nodding a greeting to her, “I… I don’t know. I found out my old gang got arrested and it brought up some stuff. I basically had a panic attack on the bus.”

“Aw no!” Glimmer clasped her hands over Catra’s, “You’re here now though, safe with us, okay?”

“I know, it just shook me a bit. I’ll be fine though.”

“You will,” she brought the girl into a hug and kissed the top of her head, “You’re amazing like that.”

“Keep it in your pants, Glim!” Catra chuckled, pulling away, already much calmer for being sat with the two of them. Just having something silly and normal like that to take her out of her own head did wonders for her anxiety.

“I won’t tell Adora if you won’t.”

Bow wasn’t sure how serious either of them were being, and the discomfort prompted him to guide the conversation away from that topic, “Talking of Adora, she should be here by now.”

Glimmer glanced at her watch, “Yeah, it’s pretty weird for her to be late. She’s usually the earliest of all of us.”

“Bet you she forgot what time it was. I’ll phone her,” Catra dialled the number and held her phone up to her ear. Her friends waited in silence as she made the call, “Huh, no answer.”

“She must be almost here then; probably doesn’t want to stop and answer if she’s close by,” Bow’s reassurance was purely a guess, but his optimism was rarely misplaced.

Catra tried again, the line still ringing out, “OK, now I’m worried. This isn’t like her.”

“There’s nothing to worry about, Catra. Adora’s going to be here.”

“No, no… something’s happened, I know it,” she mumbled, staring at her phone. It couldn’t be a coincidence, could it? All this stuff with Lonnie and her old gang and now her girlfriend goes incommunicado? But if they _were_ linked, Adora could be in danger.

“I’m certain nothing has happened, Catra,” Bow tried to remain logical, “She’ll walk through that door any second and we’ll laugh at her for being late.

“No…” Panic rocketed through Catra’s body once again. She stood up, grabbing her bag, “I’m… I have to go look for her. Uh, you two have a nice evening.”

Neither of them had a chance to answer before the girl had sprinted out of the restaurant. Although concerned, Glimmer couldn’t help but chuckle at the over-reaction, “She worries way too much.”

“Come on, Glim, she’s been through a lot. And I bet all this gang stuff has put her on edge with some bad memories.”

“Yeah, exactly. I’m sure Adora’s fine.”

* * *

Adora opened her eyes. As awareness of her body returned to her, she could sense that she was sat down, with something tightly wrapped around her wrists, binding them together. Her surroundings took several moments to come into focus, and she began to make out a run-down space, possibly a sports hall. By the dust and grime around her, and several smashed windows high up on the walls, it had probably been abandoned for a couple of years at least.

“Who _are_ you?” she asked weakly. The stranger who attacked her was stood a few feet away.

He turned around, “I see you’re awake, Adora. The little ‘incident’ was regrettable, but necessary I’m afraid. I’m looking for Catra – we have some unfinished business.”

“And you needed to kidnap me for…” Adora trailed off as she ran through the thoughts in her mind, gasping as she figured out her captor’s identity, “Wait… you’re Hordak, aren’t you?”

“Clever girl,” he enthused loudly, sarcastically applauding her realisation, “Now given you know who I am, I imagine you know what I can do. And what I _will_ do if you do not tell me where Catra is.”

“You’re going to hurt her. I won’t let that happen.”

“Tell me where she is,” Adora could detect some anger beginning to infuse his words as he processed her refusal to talk.

“Never.”

Hordak stood imposingly over her, staring her down for several moments before reeling his arm back and punching her hard on the side of her face. Adora yelled out as she was knocked to the floor, shock waves of pain resonating throughout her head. The man roughly grabbed hold of her arm and jerked her back onto the chair, gripping her tightly and pressing his fingers into her skin.

“Tell me where she is,” Hordak repeated himself, this time more slowly and firmly. Adora shook her head, this time slightly more prepared for the second punch that connected with her lower jaw. The agony was intense, and she felt a metallic taste growing in her mouth.

“Is it really worth risking yourself like this, Adora?” he stepped away calmly, pulling a cigarette from his pocket and lighting it, “Catra has ratted out my entire operation to the cops. She took my people away from me, she took my entire business from me, and I _will_ get my revenge. Saying ‘no no no’ like some little kid won’t protect her forever. So where is she?”

“You’ll never get your hands on her, Hordak,” she looked alarmed as she spat out blood, “I love Catra and I will do everything I can to protect her.”

“Love her? Adora, Catra is not the person you think she is. What you love is a falsehood, a disguise she puts on so that she won’t end up alone. If you knew who she really was…”

The adrenaline coursing around Adora’s body began to make her face feel numb. It also steeled her determination – she would _not_ put her girlfriend in danger, “I know exactly who she is. She told me everything about her past.”

Hordak roared with laughter, “You think you know everything? That girl is a master of lies. Did she tell you she was a heroin addict?”

“Of course,” she shrugged, “I’m so proud of her for overcoming it.”

“And that she’s been in prison?”

“All in the past.”

He came close, using his entire height to intimidate her, “Did you know she’s a killer?”

“What?” Adora gasped. A grin spread across Hordak’s face as he realised he had found leverage. This was how he got the girl to talk.

“Such a sad story. It was a girl from the foster home, she was like a little sister to Catra. Shame that your girlfriend deliberately gave her an overdose of drugs and watched as the girl died in front of her. She did nothing to help. Oh, didn’t she tell you? I wonder why?”

“You’re lying,” Adora furrowed her brow, “She wouldn’t.”

Hordak took a drag on his cigarette, “Tell me where she is, and you can ask her yourself. Or don’t -and risk your life for the deceitful murderer who claims to love you.”

“I’d rather die than let you do anything to hurt her.”

“That can be arranged, Adora,” the man growled in anger, moving the cigarette forward in his fingers. He rolled up the sleeve of her cardigan and pressed the end firmly into Adora’s forearm. She inhaled sharply at the sudden burning pain, crying out as it spread through her nerve endings.

“Ohh, did that hurt? Poor Adora, you...” Hordak stared at her arm, stroking a finger across the tiny pale ridges that littered across the skin, “Huh, seems you like that sort of thing though. Do things get a bit much for you sometimes?”

“Fuck you.”

“Makes me think of a tragic story though,” he smirked, attention still focused on her scars, “The tale of a troubled girl named Adora, who found out her girlfriend was a completely different person to who she thought. It destroyed her world, and she fell back into her destructive old habits. After she went missing, they found her body in an abandoned building, miles from her home, bled out because she couldn’t handle her emotions.”

Adora clenched her hands, trying to ignore Hordak’s words, “You wouldn’t get away with it.”

“Shall we see about that? Or, you could tell me where Catra is and your friends won’t have to attend your funeral. They won’t have to spend their lives regretting that they didn’t spot the signs you were going downhill. Poor Glimmer wouldn’t cope, would she? I suspect she would undo all her hard work and start on the alcohol again. Maybe this time she’d finally drink herself to death. You don’t want that, Adora. So let’s end this before anyone gets hurt: Where is Catra?”

She spat another mouthful of blood, this time deliberately aiming at the man, “Where she should be. Far away from you.”

“YOU BITCH!” Hordak roared, wiping Adora’s blood from his cheek. His frustration got the better of him, and without any answer from the young woman, he once again landed a powerful punch at the side of her face. Adora fell to the floor, trying to roll her body across the grimy surface underneath to get away from his reach.

“Is this really how you want to die?!” he yelled as he winded her with a kick to the stomach. Adora whimpered, still attempting to move herself away from him. It was to no avail; when she moved, Hordak stepped closer, thrusting his boot into her gut every time.

“Stop…. Please stop…” Adora sobbed after the seventh or eighth kick. The pain was unbearable – her jaw was in agony and she struggled to breathe from the stinging in her abdomen that had been borne from his repeated attacks.

Hordak paused, violently wrenching her to her feet, “Gladly. Where is Catra?”

“I’m not…. I’m not telling you.”

“Oh, Adora,” he sighed theatrically, “We’ve been through this. You tell me where she is, or I will continue hurting you and we’ll see at what point your body gives up. It’s really very simple. You don’t have to protect that liar anymore. Tell me where she is.”

Adora shook her head, preparing for the next blow. Before it connected, the sound of a ringtone echoed around the empty space they were in. Hordak pushed her back to the floor, then extracted a phone from his pocket. His eyebrows raised upon reading the caller ID, and he quickly answered.

“Catra, what a surprise. I’ve just been getting to know your girlfriend.”


	3. Reconnection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra searches for Adora, her worst fears coming true when she speaks to Mermista. In the restaurant, Bow and Glimmer catch up over dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We interrupt this story of kidnapping and violence to bring you Bow and Glimmer being cute and awkward!
> 
> This one is a little bit lighter (only slightly!), but there's still some threat and violence in it.

Yelling her girlfriend’s name, Catra burst into their apartment, almost battering the door down in her panic. She ran into the living room, praying that she would find Adora there, but saw only an empty space. It was the same in the bedroom, except for the mobile phone on the bed, which her eyes were drawn to immediately. A torrent of horrible scenarios deluged her brain – there was no way Adora would go out without her phone, and it only added to the upsetting scenario that was building in her mind. Catra was almost certain that Hordak was behind it: he would be hell-bent on revenge for the arrests and looking for someone to blame. That someone would be Catra. They hadn’t exactly parted on the best of terms, and she knew he wasn’t beyond kidnapping innocent people if it would help him get what he wanted. With no further clues to Adora’s whereabouts in her own apartment, she dashed down the stairs, hammering on the door to the one below until Mermista opened it.

“Uh, rude much?” she stared at the visitor, “We’re _trying_ to-“

“Have you seen Adora?” Catra had gone into full panic mode and had no time for anything that didn’t help locate her girlfriend.

It wasn’t hard for Mermista to pick up on the girl’s distress, “Don’t you know where sh-“

“Have you seen her or not?!”

“Uh, yeah, we passed in the hallway as I came home. About an hour ago.”

Catra ran her hands through her hair anxiously, “OK, OK. Did she say where she was going or was there anything weird?”

“Yeah, she was all dressed up and said she was going to dinner with you and Glimmer. Nothing that unusual,” Mermista thought for a moment, “Although there was that creepy guy outside though.”

“Creepy guy?”

“Yeah, you know… the kind of bloke that makes you think about carrying a taser, that sort of thing. I couldn’t get past him quick enough, I thought he was going to kidnap me or something.”

“What did he look like?” there was a distinct unease beginning to grow inside Catra. She prayed her intuition was wrong. It was one thing to worry about Adora’s safety when she didn’t know what was going on, but if Hordak had been outside her house…

“I dunno, about Seahawk’s age. Really pale skin, like he hasn’t seen the sun for a while? Skinny bitch, too. I think he had a bit of his hair dyed purple or blue or something. It looked, uh- _really_ stupid.”

“Fuck, fuck, fuck. That’s Hordak. Fuck,” the last detail confirmed her suspicions, and she sprinted down the stairs, leaving a bewildered Mermista staring at an empty hallway.

“Wait, the gang leader Hordak?” she closed the door, shaking her head, “Oh my God, she is gonna get herself killed...”

Downstairs, Catra scanned the parking area for any sign of them, yelling his name at the top of her voice, but no answer came. She didn’t expect any – Hordak would almost certainly have taken Adora far from here. With any fear of confronting the man drowned out by the need to save her girlfriend, she fumbled around in her bag for her mobile phone and hoped that she still had the right number.

“Pick up, pick up, pick up,” she hissed as it rang.

_“Catra, what a surprise. I’ve just been getting to know your girlfriend,”_ Hordak answered with his signature disarming tone. Catra knew it to be fake – this man was one of the most dangerous people she knew. In the background, she could hear Adora shouting, which only served to validate her fear of the worst-case scenario.

“If you’ve hurt Adora, I will hunt you down and I will rip your head off. Let her go,” she snarled through gritted teeth.

_“You always did resort to violence so easily,”_ his words were calm in comparison to the enraged young woman at the other end of the phone, _“It doesn’t solve anything, Catra. Conversations, agreements, questions – that solves problems. Such as the question ‘what can I do to stop you hurting her?’.”_

“I don’t need your bullshit, Hordak. I’m coming for you and when I find you, you’re going to die slowly and painfully.”

_“Ah-ah-ah,”_ the drug lord rebuked her like a child, something he knew would get under her skin, “ _I told you, Catra, violence solves nothing. We could come to an arrangement if you chose to ask one simple question.”_

Catra rolled her eyes, realising that she would have to play his games to save Adora, “Ugh, fine. What can I do to stop you hurting her?”

_“Do you remember the rules of the Horde, Catra?”_ the mask began to slip, a hint of malice entering his voice, _“Rule number one – Don’t lose me money. Rule number two – Look out for your fellow members. And rule number three – don’t snitch. Now, Catra, do you know how many people have broken the rules more than once?”_

“I don’t give a shit.”

“ _ZERO!”_ Hordak yelled, making Catra jump, “ _And do you know why? Because people who break the rules the first time do not live to have a second opportunity. Now you ask what you can do to keep your girlfriend safe. The answer is simple: accept your punishment. Her life for yours.”_

“I’ve done nothing, Hordak! I’m not going to let you hurt either of us.”

Adora’s plaintive cries came through louder as Hordak moved closer to her, “ _Unfortunately, Adora, it seems your beloved isn’t willing to co-operate. I’m going to have to provide her a little more encouragement.”_

Catra flinched as a loud smack echoed through her phone’s speaker, quickly followed by screams from her girlfriend. Her resistance ebbed with the awful images of Adora in pain that flowed through her mind, and she felt powerless – she had promised that she would always protect Adora, and now the girl was alone with a sadistic gang leader.

_“I’m not playing around Catra. The old youth club, now. If you are not alone, she will die.”_

_“Catra don’t, it’s a tr-”_ another punch resonated through the earpiece as Hordak punished Adora for her interruption. Before any response could leave Catra’s mouth, the line went dead, a flat tone ringing in her ear. She let out a roar of frustration; she wasn’t just angry at Hordak, she was angry at herself for getting Adora mixed up in this But there was no time for her to wallow in self-hate, she needed to get her girlfriend away from him as soon as she could. Reasoning that it would be the quickest way to get there, she called for a cab, counting down every second of the five-minute wait time and praying that Hordak wasn’t being violent. If it came down to it, she would protect Adora with her life.

* * *

“So, how’s life without alcohol?” Bow said cheerfully, twisting a clump of spaghetti around his fork.

Glimmer chuckled, “It’s treating me pretty well. It’s been difficult, but the longer I stay away from it the easier it gets, you know?”

“I’m proud of you, Glim. I know I’ve not really been around to say it as much, but I really am.”

“Thanks, I don’t… I totally get why you haven’t seen me as much. I’m so sorry for, well… for everything. If it helps any, I feel really bad that we’ve barely talked for ages. I kinda miss it.”

“Yeah, I do too. I guess…” he stopped to take another mouthful, “Hey, this is really good. You wanna try some?”

“Ooh, please,” Glimmer hovered her fork over his bowl, stabbing into a meatball and removing it. She nodded approvingly as she ate it.

Bow gasped melodramatically, “You took a meatball! I just meant the pasta sauce!”

“You’re right,” she giggled, “It _is_ really good. Tastes even better when it’s someone else’s.”

“Oh is that so?” the young man smirked, his own fork aimed towards her plate, “Well in that case I’m having _all_ the rest of your chicken.”

Glimmer waved her hand to bat it away, “You can’t do that! It’s like… almost the entire thing! That would be like eating two meals!”

“Actually, I can do that. It’s the law,” Bow tried to dodge her moving hand with his cutlery.

“What law?“

“The law of Bow. It says I can steal Glimmer’s food any time I want.”

“That’s not a-” her hand collided with the end of the fork, firing it out of his hand. It clattered loudly off the edge of the table, landing on the floor. They both stared at each other with wide eyes, in an embarrassed silence.

“Oops,” Bow whispered, stifling a laugh.

“Everyone’s looking at us! Why did you do that?”

“Me? That was you, you butt!”

“You’re the butt! Going on like ‘oh, Glimmer, I _have_ to steal all your food’!”

A member of the serving staff, having heard the commotion, passed by and silently presented Bow with a clean fork. He and Glimmer struggled to keep their faces straight, eventually breaking into a fit of giggles once the waiter had left them.

“Butt,” she stuck her tongue out at him.

“You are.”

Glimmer resumed eating, a smirk on her face that she couldn’t shift. Once she was reasonably sure she wouldn’t burst into laughter the moment she opened her mouth, she carried on their conversation, “So, Bow… How’s the world of masculinity?”

“Are you talking about with me or in general? Because those are _very_ different answers.”

“You, obviously.”

He let out a contented sigh, “It’s amazing, I’m just so much happier as myself. Testosterone is one heck of a drug – I’ve even got a moustache now!”

“Bow, you know I’m proud of you and I support you 100%,” she leaned forward, squinting at his face, “But, dude, no you haven’t.”

“I haven’t, fine, I know...but it’ll happen. Look, get closer and check my lip. Hairs, Glimmer, hairs!”

The young woman brought her face nearer, homing in on the few dark hairs that she could finally see. But it was Bow’s lips below that fought harder for her attention, an inch away from her own. Thoughts paraded through her mind that she tried to evict, only multiplying when her peripheral vision told her the man’s eyes were looking directly at hers as well. Glimmer raised her head, their eyes locking for a tense moment.

“Yeah… I’m sure you saw,” Bow mumbled, both of them pulling their bodies away. He cleared his throat and took a large sip of his drink – anything to avoid making eye contact for as long as possible.

“Yeah…” Glimmer gazed at the floor next to her, needing to get their conversation back on track so she wouldn’t have to entertain the thoughts she just had, “So, uh, what about the rest?”

“The rest?”

She vaguely gestured towards his chest, “Those. Don’t you still…? And, uh…”

“Anyone else, Glimmer,” Bow laughed, “Anyone else I would be offended and walk right out-“

“Oh God, I’m sorry. I didn’t…”

“Hey, you’re one of my oldest friends. If I can’t talk about that stuff with you, who could I? And yeah, they are gonna refer me for top surgery. I don’t know when it’ll happen but at least I’m going into the queue.”

Glimmer stumbled over her words, still feeling awkward about the moment they locked eyes, certain that they were both fighting the same urges, “Yeah, exactly… that’s good. Uh, I’m happy for you.”

“Aww, c’mon, Glimmer. I told you it’s fine – you don’t have to be embarrassed.”

“Wait, you’re okay with…?”

He smiled, “Of course! I told you – we’re still good friends, I don’t mind talking about transition stuff with you.”

“Oh that!” Glimmer felt thankful that she’d not made it obvious they were talking about different things. She was sure that he had almost kissed her, but maybe she had misread it – he seemed remarkably calm about it.

“What did you think I meant?”

“I, uh, never mind. You should finish your food before I steal it again,” she gave a nervous laugh, much louder than she intended to, “Cause I… I will, you know.”

Bow laughed and shook his head, “This is the Glimmer I’ve been missing for so long. I’m glad you're back!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time we're getting a villain monologue!


	4. A Debt to Repay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally face-to-face, Hordak uses Catra's past against her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's off work for two weeks? This girl! Which means I can write every day if I want to...
> 
> Anyway, back to the chapter. Content warnings for this one - there's a lot of talk of drugs, and mentions of sex work and rape. We've also got a lot of threatening behaviour and guns.
> 
> That Hordak is not a nice man, y'all...

Once a popular hangout for the city’s teens, the abandoned youth club Hordak had summoned Catra to had seen a second lease of life as the Horde’s base of operations. Having not been used for almost a decade when they took it over, its secluded position on the edge of a large wooded area on the outskirts of the city had attracted the gang’s attention as a place they could conduct their business away from prying eyes. As far as the police were concerned, the building was boarded up and fully secure, so for a long time they never even considered looking there. Catra had mixed memories of the place – she had spent countless nights partying there whilst high on all sorts of things, but they were always followed by the grim, painful comedowns in the morning. The people she passed that time with gave her a bittersweet feeling too: friends who had turned into enemies; people who once cared now indifferent to her.

After a few years, the secrecy of the place had been broken. Catra could vividly remember the night that she and Lonnie had to climb out of the window of the back office and sprint into the forest to avoid being arrested in a police raid. Once the club’s cover was blown, the Horde immediately abandoned it and it returned to the disused state that persisted to this day. In the rapidly fading light of the evening, it looked more dilapidated than she remembered – the doors and walls had fallen victim to an aggressive covering of ivy, and almost all of the space that the plant had spared was blanketed in graffiti. The only clue that anyone had been here recently was the crudely cleared path towards the entrance; trampled branches and roughly hacked bushes showing her the way forward.

“HORDAK!” Catra thumped the door, screaming, “I know you’re in there!”

It opened towards her just a little, and she grabbed the edge, wrenching it fully open. Straight ahead of her, Adora was sat on a chair, her wrists and ankles bound with rope. Catra’s attention fell immediately on the state of her girlfriend’s face, which even in the dull twilight, she could see was covered in blood and bruising.

“Adora!” relief was not quite the correct word for her emotion. Seeing the girl alive had taken the edge off her fear, but it was replaced with anger borne from the injuries that Hordak had inflicted upon her. Catra paused for a moment, realising that she hadn’t seen the man, before sensing someone behind her.

“Hello, Catra,” his menacing voice was punctuated by the feel of cold metal against her head, “We need to talk.”

Adora began to scream upon seeing the pistol pressed into her girlfriend’s temple, an act which only riled up the drug lord. He raised the firearm up, shooting it into the ceiling and sending a cloud of dust and rubble falling to the floor, “SHUT UP! Make one more noise like that and the next bullet goes in her brain.”

Catra remained silent, knowing that any protests would just irritate the man and make it more likely that one or both of them would get hurt. He led her closer to a fearfully hushed Adora, throwing her to the floor about 20 feet away, and stood between them, making sure to display the gun clearly so that neither would consider trying to play hero.

“You wanna tell your little girlfriend what you did, Catra? Or shall I?”

“I’ve done nothing,” she tried to straddle the line between assertive and antagonistic with her tone. Having known Hordak for years, she knew a display of weakness would be pounced upon by the man and used against her; too far in the other direction though, and he would be angered. Experience told her he wouldn’t hesitate to shoot – she’d seen him do it once before and the memories still haunted her.

“Liar!” he roared, “You know, Catra, I used to be like you. I had nothing and no-one – they called me a deadbeat, a waster… _a failure._ But I knew I was more than that. I got myself together, I worked hard, and within a couple of years I had built an empire. Where once people wouldn’t look twice at me, now they feared my very name. The people that would sooner have spat in my face than help me stay alive became the people that would eagerly serve my every whim. I had it all, Catra, and you know how I got it all? I didn’t let anyone owe me anything. I made sure that everyone who had a debt to me repaid it by any means necessary.

“And then three weeks ago, I woke to the news that the police had conducted raids across my entire operation. They took my product, they took my money and they took my people. Almost overnight, I lost everything because of one foolish person running to the cops. So I asked myself, who would do that? Who would have such a level of delusion to think that snitching to the police would fix their horrible life? How could anyone be so stupid as to try and square up against me and my empire? What person now owed me _everything_?

“It led me to you, Catra. A girl who I gave every chance in the world to, and who repaid me by throwing it back in my face. A girl so ungrateful that simply abandoning her friends wasn’t enough, she had to destroy their lives as well. You learned nothing from me! Did you really think that PC Plod would make everything better? That they would go in, arrest me, arrest everyone and take us all for a tea party while you live happily ever after? Life isn’t like that! Everything I worked for is gone, thanks to you, and that means you owe me a debt, Catra. A debt that can be repaid with your life.”

“I didn’t go to the cops, Hordak. I would never do that, I swear.”

“Catra…. Catra, Catra… Do you remember when we met? You were nothing – just a broken kid with no future. I could have left you in the gutter, but you know I’m not like that, am I? I’m a good man; I saved you, Catra – I saved you from a life on the streets. This city is no place for a defenceless teenage girl sleeping in shop doorways, is it? It’s full of horrible people who would look at you and take everything they wanted.”

Catra tried to keep her cool, knowing that the man was trying to use past trauma to get a rise out of her, “Like you let that guy do to me, you mean?”

“You had a debt!” he yelled, before regaining his calm demeanour, “As I told you, I have no patience for people who owe me. If they have other ways to pay it off, I will make sure they do.”

“I was barely 18. I was a fucking kid, Hordak!”

He paced around her, trailing the gun across her shoulders, “And yet you felt yourself old enough to take drugs day after day. Old enough to get drunk. Old enough to use your body to get what you wanted when it suited you, like the two-bit hooker you are. And old enough to be grateful for what I gave you.”

“Gave me?” she scoffed, “All you gave me was drugs. You turned me into an addict so I couldn’t get away from you.”

Hordak’s menacing laughed echoed around the room, “You made yourself an addict! I gave you nothing more than your friends – why don’t you ask yourself why Lonnie didn’t get hooked? Or Kyle? They had a control over themselves that you never have, Catra. They knew when to stop; you didn’t. That was not my fault, I gave you the same opportunities as them. More, in fact – I went out of my way to help you pay your debt to me.”

“You whored me out to your dodgy mate for money, you mean. Did you feel good watching him force himself on a screaming teenager? I bet you still think about it when you’re in bed alone at night, don’t you? Does the thought of it make you wanna touch yourself? You’re fucking disgusting.”

“The only disgusting person here is you, Catra. Betraying the Horde – _betraying ME –_ after everything I did for you? I gave you a home, I gave you a reason to live, I gave you _hope_ … and this is how you repay me?”

Catra steeled herself, fighting his threats with rage now she had a better grasp on his frame of mind, “For the last fucking time: I didn’t betray you – and I don’t need to explain myself to you anymore. You’re just a sad little man who got what was coming to him and you’re looking for someone to blame. You might think I’m going to just lay down and die for you, but you are so wrong. And I swear to God you’d better hope the police find you soon, because if they don’t, they're going to have to arrest a fucking corpse. I will leave you lying on this floor in a pool of your own blood and squeeze the fucking life out of you myself.”

“Whatever happened to you, Catra?” Hordak sighed dramatically, “You didn’t have this much anger in you when you were with the Horde. Was it Adora? Did she hurt you? Would she _really_ care if you were gone?”

He moved towards her and pressed the gun into Catra’s chest to see if he could elicit any response from her girlfriend, who had been watching and listening in silent horror. She knew about all the horrible things Hordak had done to her – Catra had told her years ago – but it still felt shocking to see first-hand how he had no remorse whatsoever.

“Don’t touch her!” Adora yelled, “Don’t kill her, please. I love her.”

Hordak turned back, marching over behind Adora with the weapon aimed at her, then positioning the gun between her shoulder blades. The feel of the pistol against her body made her flinch – she’d never even _seen_ a real gun before, let alone felt one, “Adora… Adora, we’ve been through this, darling. You love the person Catra _pretends_ to be. But I am nothing if not a reasonable man – I’ll give you the opportunity to pay her debt for her. You can give up your life and save her if you care so much. Although… before I get you to choose, wasn’t there something you wanted to ask her?”

A wave of resistance surged through Adora. If these were to be the final minutes of her life, she would use them to protect the woman she loved, “I don’t need to ask her anything. She’s told me all about everything you put her through.”

Again, the man laughed heartily, as though he had just heard the funniest thing in the world, “Catra is a liar. She has done things she wouldn’t dare admit to you because you’d want nothing more to do with her. Things that would bring her entire world down if you found out. Isn’t that right, Catra?”

Catra’s arm began shaking as her entire body started to realise what he was referring to, “No… please…”

“Watch her beg, Adora!” Hordak’s glee was evident in his enthusiastic tone, “Watch this little whore _beg_ me not to destroy everything she lied her way into.”

“Hordak, don’t…”

“No, no, no,” he shook his head, still wearing a cruel smile, “That’s not the way, Catra. If you want me to listen, do it properly. GET ON YOUR KNEES!”

Her mind was so busy fighting every possibility that it might have to deal with a part of her past she had locked away for years that she felt she had no option but to obey him. Catra dropped to the floor, “Please, I’m begging you, Hordak. You can’t…”

With a wry smile beaming across his face, Hordak crouched next to Adora, leaning his head against her shoulder, “Doesn’t being on your knees crying in front of a man bring back memories, Catra? Of course, this time no-one will be giving you a couple of bucks to waste on drugs. But did you think it would actually change my mind? Always so naïve, Catra, it’s almost endearing. But now I think it’s time for you to tell Adora all about Sammie – I’m sure she’ll enjoy the tale of how her girlfriend is a murderer. Won’t you, Adora?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time we will finally hear Catra's side of the story - how will Adora react?


	5. Sammie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Forced by Hordak to reveal her secret, Catra tells Adora all about what she tried to keep hidden

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote most of this a long while back, right from the start I knew I wanted Catra to have a kind of secret shame. It's gone through many iterations (at one point I was going to use this to introduce Entrapta as the person who took the fall for Catra stabbing someone...but that really didn't work!), and it ended up as this. Tissues at the ready....what did you do, Catra?
> 
> As is the defining feature of my fics these days, there are quite a few content warnings:  
> Drugs - many references to drugs, drug taking and drug overdose  
> Violence - There's threats and gun violence  
> Suicide/Death - reference to wanting to die and implied but ambiguous suicide

“Go on, tell Adora, now. She didn’t believe me when I said you were a killer. Tell her how you murdered Sammie.”

Catra froze, her breathing having become uneasy at the first mention of the name. Long-buried memories rushed into her consciousness, and she could feel that all-consuming guilt waking up inside her. Almost five years later, and it was like she was back there in that room; the same fear, the same remorse and the same sensation of the world falling apart around her.

“That’s because you’re lying!” Adora spat angrily at Hordak, certain he was trying to ruin her opinion of Catra with a made-up story. She looked back to the other girl for confirmation; her jaw dropped upon seeing the upset expression on her face, “Catra? It’s not true, right? Catra?”

Catra stared at the floor, shame telling her she was unworthy of meeting Adora’s gaze. Her voice was almost inaudible, “I’m… I’m sorry.”

“Wow,” Hordak shattered the silence, seemingly ecstatic to see the concerned look that Adora sported, “Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but I guess you really _don’t_ know that girlfriend of yours.”

“Babe?” Adora tried to be gentle, but she was rattled by the response. Had she really killed someone? “I don’t... I don’t understand – he’s lying. Please tell me he’s lying, Catra. Please.”

“I... I can’t. Oh God…” she tried to sniffle away the choked-up feeling inside, to no avail, “Okay… Sammie and I grew up together in the foster home. She arrived when I was 9 and she was 6, so we had almost a decade there together. We were really close, she was my best friend through all that time – more like a sister, I suppose. She always used to come into my bedroom at night, and we’d play these silly made-up games, try to escape our reality for a bit. It was stupid, though we loved it. And yeah, we suffered through some horrible shit, but at least we suffered together, you know? Then I left on my 18th birthday – I just couldn’t wait to get away from that bitch who made my entire childhood a misery. I missed Sammie, of course, although we tried to see each other when we could. She knew I had got in with the Horde, and there was nothing she could do but watch while I went from earning money by dealing to becoming a full-blown addict. I was so determined to get in with them; to feel like I belonged somewhere and have meaning to my life that no-one could stop me. I sold drugs, I sold myself – all to scrape together enough money so I could get a fix. But even then… even though I was the lowest form of scum, she still stood by me.

“Then one evening, Sammie came over to where I was staying, in floods of tears. She really poured her heart out to me – talking about how she was worried about me because of the drugs, and the way she felt so alone at the home now. Having to put up with the abuse for so long, especially without me there, had really got to her, and she told me…” Catra paused to compose herself and wipe a few tears away. Her voice wavered as she continued, “She told me she wanted to die. But I was off my face like I was pretty much all the time then, so it didn’t click in my mind that she was serious. I should have given her some proper help, but instead I said I had a way for her to forget that stuff – the same way I tried to forget it all.

“I told her to come back the next night when I had a load more gear – some for me, some to sell and a little bit for her. I showed her how to prepare it, how to shoot up, all that stuff. I’m not proud of what I did, Adora, but heroin was my life; it made me feel good, so I genuinely thought that it made things better for everyone. But that night, I was more focused on getting my own fix, so I didn’t notice how much she was using. I’d given her just a small amount, so she must have deliberately taken more when I wasn’t looking. When she collapsed, I was so out of it that I didn’t do anything – I could barely even move myself. I just remember saying ‘oh, she must have been really tired’. Then in the morning, she was in the exact same place, and I crawled over to shake her awake. I can still remember how cold she felt, her skin was like ice. The ambulance came but it was much too late, she’d been dead for hours. Sammie was fucking fifteen, Adora. Fifteen. And I literally showed her how to kill herself…”

She crouched down on the floor, unable to hold off crying any longer. Adora looked on in a horrified silence for some time before she could finally speak. It felt like her entire world had stopped; she couldn’t stop herself from feeling betrayed that Catra purposefully hid such a big part of her past all this time, “Why... Why didn’t you tell me?”

Catra got herself together just enough to respond, “How could you ever love someone who would do that to a child? You’d think I was the shittiest person you’d ever met.”

“I… I don’t really know what to think,” she was on the verge of tears as well, “I can’t believe you kept something like that from me.”

“How do you bring something like that up into conversation? But please, Adora, you need to know Sammie was the reason I quit the drugs. The guilt ate away at me and I couldn’t carry on like I was. And it just felt like her life mattered for nothing if the person responsible for her death just ended up doing the same thing a few months later. So I went to get some help to quit. That was when that man standing next to you grassed me up and got me arrested. I spent four horrible months in prison – they didn’t care what I was going through. There wasn’t any help for someone like me, I had to just stop the heroin abruptly, and it was hell. I lay awake at night shaking uncontrollably and sweating, pleading with whatever God would listen for a fix. But I thought of Sammie and it gave me the motivation to keep going. I wasn’t going to let her down again.

“When I got out, I was a mess. My body was shutting down without the drugs; I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat, every part of me ached. I lost so much weight you could see my ribs and it almost killed me. But I knew I had a choice – I could go straight back to Lonnie, get some gear and end up like Sammie, or I could try and get away, find someone who could help me get clean and live the life _she_ should have had. It was so fucking hard, Adora… the most demanding thing I’ve ever done, I swear. But I managed it, you know I did. And I’m sorry I never told you any of this, I was scared you’d want nothing more to do with me.”

“How touching,” sneered Hordak, “But don’t let the tears fool you, Adora. Catra doesn’t regret what she did– that girl reminded her of the foster home every single day, and she wanted every link to it out of her life. Sammie was a loose end and you took advantage of her, just like the old woman who ran the place did, isn’t that right, Catra?”

She took a few steps towards Hordak and Adora, retreating rapidly when he aimed the gun at her, “That’s not true. Adora, you have to believe me.”

“You were so obsessed with cutting all ties to that place, you would stop at nothing! You showed her how to take heroin, then deliberately put more than enough to kill her in front of her and told her to use it all. It looked like a horrible accident that nobody could have foreseen. Except it wasn’t an accident, was it?”

“Stop!” Catra pleaded, wrapping her arms tightly around herself and trembling. Hordak’s words had taken her to a place she had tried to keep herself away from for years and there was little comfort there, “Please stop…”

“You knew exactly what you were doing! Sammie looked up to you, Catra. You were her big sister, the one good thing in her life. She came to you, desperate for help and you killed her to make yourself feel better. You got away with MURDER!”

“NO!” she broke down with one last anguished shout, “No… I…Adora, please…”

Adora stared at the floor, unable to make eye contact with Catra. It didn’t seem like her girlfriend was there anymore; the person she knew – _loved_ – could never have done something like that, whatever the circumstances. Even if Catra was telling the truth, she was still responsible for Sammie’s death. But if she was lying to try and save herself…

“You’re a murderer Catra, you…” Hordak stopped mid-sentence as he started to hear faint sounds from outside. He held up a hand to indicate them to be quiet, “Who is that? I told you to come alone.”

“I did!” she whispered, “I swear on my life I didn’t tell anyone.”

“If either of you make a sound, I will shoot you both,” the man stared alternately at each of them as he made his threats. They froze in place, not daring to move even slightly and hoping that whoever was nearby would quickly leave. It was a tense couple of minutes, but when the three of them could no longer hear movement outside, Hordak returned to Adora’s side, eager to see if she still wanted to protect Catra. As he drew breath to speak, the door to the building crashed down, a chorus of “Armed Police!” heralding a dozen or so officers in helmets and body armour. They poured in, their weapons fixed on the drug lord.

“Put the gun on the ground and step away!” barked one of the officers, “Do it now!”

Hordak ignored the order, “You called the feds? I knew you were a snitch Catra. But since time is at a premium – I guess we will have to skip the trial and go straight to the execution.”

“No…” she said weakly, her movement forward impeded by the gloved hand of one of the police personnel trying to keep her out of harm’s way.

“Who dies, Adora? You or her?”

“Put the gun on the ground and step away!” the command was repeated, even louder than before, “Do it now! You will not be asked again!”

“DECIDE, ADORA!” Hordak shouted inches from her ear, making her flinch with every syllable, “Will you give up your own life for this scum, or should I shoot your lying, murdering girlfriend?”

“I…”

“DECIDE! NOW! WHO DIES?!”

“Don’t...” she didn’t want to see Catra killed, even though it felt like she didn’t recognise her girlfriend anymore.

The man pressed the gun to the blonde’s head, staring through Catra, “Say goodbye to Adora, snitch.”

“Hordak! No!”

A single shot rang out, swiftly followed by a dreadful silence where time seemed to stop for Catra. She watched in horror as her girlfriend and her former gang leader both fell backward, hitting the floor with a dull thud.

“ADORA!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We all love a good cliffhanger!
> 
> Next time: Glimmer and Bow are awkward as heck. Oh, and something about someone getting shot, maybe?


	6. I'm the Worst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glimmer and Bow leave the restaurant, oblivious to the events that are happening a couple of miles away. Inside the abandoned youth club, Catra faces the aftermath of the gun shot - has she lost Adora?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter in which my brain vehemently disagrees that there is such a thing as 'too much angst'.
> 
> There is, of course, some references to gun violence in this chapter, however the latter part focuses on self-harm in a way that may be triggering to some. This is another time where I've used my own experiences and story as a base for my writing, drawing on my own battle with self-injury, so it may be uncomfortably close to home if you are facing it too. See the end for some resources.
> 
> With that important note, on with the story!

“That was amazing, thanks again, Glimmer,” Bow helped her down the steps of the restaurant’s entrance, still tasting the incredible meal he had just eaten, “I really enjoyed myself.”

The young woman chuckled, and he was sure he could see the slightest blush, “Oh, it was nothing. I just wanted to say thank you to the people who deserved it most. Even though it ended up just me and you, I still had fun. Oh God, that reminds me - I hope Adora’s alright.”

“I’m sure everything’s fine. I’ll ring her when I get back, then text you to let you know. You okay to get home?”

“Yeah, yeah. I can get a cab nearby.”

“Good,” Bow nodded uncomfortably, his eyes lost in hers for a moment before he caught himself and broke the connection, “Uh, I’ll see you around.”

“Um, yeah. Bye.”

The young man took two steps away before stopping. He looked back to find that she had done the same, “Actually, Glimmer? Did you want to… I dunno, maybe come to mine for a coffee? My dads are at a conference this week so you won’t be in the way or anything, but then again I totally understand if you don’t want to be alone with me cause, y’know, you hear all these horror stories ab-”

“That would be nice, Bow,” she giggled awkwardly, her gaze darting around everywhere but straight at him.

“Sorry for rambling, I just wanted to be…Well, I didn’t want to… I don’t know what I’m saying, sorry.”

Glimmer’s response was silent but told him all he needed to know. She reached down and took hold of the young man’s hand, a flustered smile asking permission and Bow’s own nervous grin in response acting as approval. They set off together, hand-in-hand, no words passing between them as the connection between them manifested in a physical way.

“It’s still so warm out,” Bow couldn’t handle the quietness and had to talk about something – anything – just to corral his thoughts away from the fantasies that were born the moment he started holding hands with Glimmer, “Lovely night, don’t you think?”

“Mh, I guess.”

“Are you OK? Have I… Have I said or done anything I shouldn’t?”

“Look, I…” Glimmer faltered, having hoped the right words would come out as she started talking but falling short, “This… us… I…”

“You’re not sure, are you?” Bow seemed almost disappointed, “I shouldn’t have asked you home. I just got caught up in the moment, I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s not that,” she took a deep breath, “I think I need to know what we are, what we’re doing. I don’t want to get hurt or, worse, hurt you.”

The young man stopped, taking hold of her other hand so they were facing each other, “I don’t know what we are _or_ what we’re doing, but I know we’re Glimmer and Bow. We’ve been friends since we were at school and we’ve been through a lot together, so I know you better than anyone and I _know_ you won’t hurt me. At least… not now you’re sober.”

Glimmer glanced away briefly as his words made the memories resurfaced of how awful she’d been to Bow when she was drinking. He deserved better than that – someone who had _never_ said the things she had, someone who wouldn’t give him that constant worry in the back of his mind about whether she would fall off the wagon. Bow was the kindest, friendliest, most understanding person she had ever met, whereas she was an impulsive spoilt rich kid and a recovering alcoholic. He needed someone better.

“I never want to hurt you either,” he noticed her mind wandering, regretting the comment about her sobriety that had sparked it, “You’re a wonderful person, Glim. Far too good for someone like me…”

She spluttered in disbelief, “What?! You’re much better than I am! I’m the worst.”

“Glimmer, you are not the worst,” Bow’s hand slid along her arm and pulled her closer, the other pushing a stray hair from her face and resting on her cheek, “You’re amazing.”

“Don’t,” she blushed, turning her head away. It was gently returned by Bow’s hand.

“No, Glim, you need to hear this from someone. You’ve been putting yourself down for too long and I’m not going to let you do it anymore. One year sober is incredible and you should be so proud of yourself for managing it.”

“Thanks, I guess…”

“No, I mean it. I spent the last year afraid that you’d never be the person you were before, that the Glimmer I knew was gone for good; but seeing you tonight, spending time with you… you’re not the person you were before, you’re better. The new and improved Glimmer, I suppose. More mature, more thoughtful, more caring… uh… I’m trying to think of another word but really all I want to do is kiss you right now, if that’s okay?”

Glimmer froze for a second. The question had taken her by surprise, but she already knew the answer, “It’s more than okay, Bow.”

* * *

“ADORA!”

The gunshot rang in Catra’s ears as she clamped her hand over her mouth, eyes fixed on her girlfriend who was laid motionless on the floor. She stared at the scene in front of her, unblinking, as her brain started to process what was happening. Adora had fallen partially on top of Hordak, who was beginning to move and push her off himself. As her girlfriend fell to the side of him like a ragdoll, Catra could see a patch of blood beginning to spread across the man’s chest.

“Target is down,” one of the cops announced into their radio.

“Wait, she wasn’t…?” Catra said to nobody. Seeing Adora begin to stir, she ran over, kneeling on the floor beside her, “Adora?”

The young woman opened her eyes, “What happened...?”

“Oh, Adora, I’m so glad you’re okay!” she began untying Adora’s hands and feet, “I thought…”

“Am I dead? I think I got shot.”

“No, no you didn’t. I think the police got Hordak before he could pull the trigger. Oh babe, I-” she motioned to hug her girlfriend, but Adora pulled away, “What’s wrong?“

There was no response, “Adora, are you okay? Say… say something, please.”

“I don’t know what to say,” her voice was void of emotion as she struggled to her feet. She gazed straight ahead, and the thought briefly ran through Catra’s mind that Adora was _refusing_ to even look at her.

“Look, I love you. I promise it’ll be alright. Let’s just get home and we can sit down and talk about it.”

“No…” Adora pushed her aside and started to run, ignoring the police officers telling her to stay put and evading their grasp. Catra could only stare at the void where the door was moments ago as her girlfriend fled into the night.

A hand loosely gripped her leg and she glared downwards at the hand’s owner. Hordak’s voice was faint and his breathing laboured, “She won’t... Come back...”

She glowered at him, her disdain manifesting in a piercing stare. She had no words to say, save an angry roar that accompanied her driving her fist into his face. A police officer pulled her back before she could land a second blow, several of his colleagues then crowding around Hordak in the vain hope that they could provide first aid to keep him alive.

Through the broken doors and into the forest, Adora ran with no intention of her destination. How could Catra – the person she thought she knew everything about – have kept such a huge part of her life from her? With every pace, she thumped her foot into the ground in angry hopelessness, as though if she hit it hard enough, the world could crack apart and take her away from the reality she was loathe to face. The further she went, the thicker the vegetation became and the more remote it felt – far from Hordak, far from Catra and far from everything that had come crashing down around her.

With her stamina waning after running for the best part of ten minutes, Adora had to stop and catch her breath. She stooped over, bent almost double, before falling back against a tree and sinking to the floor. A stray branch caught her cardigan, ripping it off as she went down. She looked down at her newly-exposed arm with Hordak’s words swirling around her head. _The tale of a troubled girl named Adora, who found out her girlfriend was a completely different person to who she thought._ The faint lines on her skin were barely visible in the moonlight. _She fell back into her destructive old habits._ Every tiny scar a memento of a moment in her past when she had no idea how to cope with the stress she was under. _Do things get a bit too much for you?_ Every mark a reminder of times when she wanted to escape from the chaos in her mind… times like now. Today was supposed to be a celebration. Instead she had been kidnapped, held at gunpoint and discovered her girlfriend had been responsible for a child’s death. How was anyone supposed to deal with that? The thoughts intensified in Adora’s mind, focusing themselves on an image of that young girl lying lifelessly on the floor while a drugged-up Catra ignored her.

_Do it, Adora. It’ll make you feel better._ She needed the relief. Hordak had stoked up the memories of how good it felt to take all that turmoil inside and focus it on one point. How the physical pain was more bearable than the mental pain it replaced. Adora’s hands searched her body almost instinctively, they’d done this so many times before. _Let there be something...anything. A pocket knife, a broken pen… ah, there it was - a safety pin._

Adora could remember the first time she hurt herself. She was in high school, sat with her best friends during a boring history lesson one afternoon. Instead of listening to the teacher drone on about the Roman empire, the three of them thought it would be fun to use the point of a pair of compasses to scratch words into their arm. For her two friends, that was all it was – a stupid way to pass the time and laugh at what each other had ‘written’. Teenage girls did all sorts of silly crap like that; just do it on a whim, forget about it and move on to the next idiotic stunt. But Adora couldn’t forget about it. It hurt, of course, but it felt relieving too – and God knows she needed it. The pressure from her parents to do well at school, to be like Mara, was making her miserable. The pain was like a release valve, taking her mind off the stress.

When she got home that day, she needed to feel it again. Taking advantage of the empty house she arrived back at, the young Adora began searching for something sharp she could use to get the sensation back. In a kitchen drawer, she found a safety pin, which she took back to her bedroom. She knew no-one would be back for about an hour, but she was still full of worries about being caught as she dragged the point along her arm. The wound was a mere scratch, but seconds later a tiny spot of blood began to bubble up and it calmed her in a way nothing else had ever done. It was everything she needed. Adora squirrelled the pin away in a jewellery box, using it almost daily over the next few weeks. But its effectiveness dropped away; the more she used it, the less it helped. The first time she used a knife was scary - what if she slipped? Went too deep? What if someone noticed? – but it pacified her anxious mind like never before.

It was Mara who found out first. Adora had woken up early, before anyone else would be up, so she could cut and calm herself for the day ahead. She’d not realised her sister had to be in college first thing that day, and when the older girl walked in on her holding a bread knife in one hand, blood dripping from the other arm, she froze in horror. Adora pleaded with her not to say anything, knowing that it was probably pointless – goody two-shoes Mara wouldn’t do anything to lose favour with their parents. She was right, of course. When she arrived home from school that day, her mum and dad were already there, hitting her with the dreaded “We need to talk to you”.

Most of the lecture Adora received was variations on ‘how could you do this to us?’ or ‘what will people think?’. The only saving grace was that they dragged her to the doctor’s surgery for an ‘emergency’ appointment, essentially throwing her in front of the GP and demanding he ‘fix’ their daughter. That eventually led to the sessions with a lovely trainee psychologist, who helped Adora navigate some basic CBT concepts. She didn’t think it helped much, and she never really stopped hurting herself, she just got better at hiding it. Her wardrobe of long-sleeved tops grew almost exponentially – even on the hottest days of the year, Adora couldn’t let her arms be exposed. It had gotten to the point of addiction at this stage; she craved the feeling, whether she needed the relief or not. She couldn’t stop, not that she wanted to, and it became the most important thing in her life, eclipsing her studies and her friendships.

Hurting herself remained her main way of coping through college and into university. The work she had to do and the unrelenting pressure from her parents to be as good as Mara meant that the stress didn’t let up. It wasn’t until she was away from them and together with Catra that she began to make an effort to stop. She threw away everything she had hoarded to cut with, telling herself that she was better than that. As though they had been on a delay, the things she had learnt in therapy began to click, and slowly but surely, she started to be able to face life without needing to injure herself. She slipped a few times, of course, but it was now about four years since she had last cut herself.

_It’ll be just like the old days. Don’t you remember them?_ She took the pin from her coat pocket, unlatching it and staring at the sharp point. _How could you ever love someone who would do that to a child?_ She stroked the tip lightly with a finger – it wasn’t particularly sharp and wouldn’t do much damage, but it might be enough to keep her going for now. _It feels so good, Adora, do it._ A long scratch could act as a focal point to stop her ruminating on the contrasting and unreconcilable images of her girlfriend that were whirling around her mind. Catra was the sweet young woman whose past difficulties she was proud of her for overcoming. Catra was the reason she had been punched over and over by Hordak. The person who stayed by her side in hospital when she was almost killed. The drug addict who taught a 15-year-old kid how to take the heroin that killed her. Catra made her feel overwhelming love. Catra made her feel disappointment. Catra was the person she trusted to tell her deepest secrets and desires. Catra was the person who she couldn’t trust any more.

As she hovered the exposed point of the pin over her arm, the doubts began to fill her mind. _Are you really going to do it, Adora? You’ve been clean for four years, are you actually going to throw that away? Are you going to let yourself down, let your friends down… Let everyone down?_

“GRAAAAGGGHHH!” she let out a guttural wail as she threw the safety pin into the undergrowth almost on impulse, with as much force as she could muster, and fell to her knees. The last vestige of hope that was keeping her together had evaporated, and her despair manifested in the feral screams of frustration that accompanied the tears. The happiness and excitement of just a few hours earlier had vanished, replaced by a world where everything she felt she knew was wrong. There was nothing that could ease her crying; no silver lining to incentivise her to calm down, no speck of optimism to make it worth even trying to stop. Adora wept until she had no more breath, until the muscles in her face ached from the strain they were under.

It still didn’t feel like she had cried enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone give Adora a hug! 
> 
> *BBC Announcer voice*  
> If you have been affected by any of the issues raised in this chapter, here are some distraction techniques: http://www.selfinjury.bctr.cornell.edu/perch/resources/distraction-techniques-pm-2.pdf . You can also check out https://www.imalive.org/ for online crisis chat. And of course, your local emergency services if you are in immediate danger (I do hope I've not done this to anybody)
> 
> I know I don't have to add any of that, but I'd feel really bad if my fics hurt anyone. These are dark, horrible topics to read about (and I've even had to remove stuff that I felt went too far), but please remember that they are used to show how far Adora has come. She's winning against her depression, but it doesn't mean that it's gone, especially when times get as tough as they have in this story. It's also helping me to be able to write about it - Adora's done better than me, of course, with 4 years clean vs my 10 months, but I need people to know that everyone's story can have a happy ending. Even if there's times when it seems impossible.
> 
> Next time: Glimmer's in the closet and Adora gets some advice


	7. Who We Are Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bow & Glimmer's night has an abrupt change of plan when they receive a visitor with some shocking news

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somehow I've corralled the mess into a coherent chapter (I'm always so bad with resolutions/endings!)
> 
> No hugely difficult things in this, but there's references to almost everything we've had before.
> 
> Also, and this is most important: THEY GET HUGS

“Your coffee’s getting cold,” a mischievous grin on Bow’s face paired with a little chuckle as he leaned back on the sofa, looking up at the young woman stood over him. The dawning realisation that this was actually happening gave him a fire deep inside, one fuelled by desire and sustained by sheer joy.

Glimmer leant forward towards him and pressed their lips together in a rough kiss while her hands ran down his body, eager to explore further, “Do you _really_ want me to stop and drink it now? We can make another one later instead...”

“Screw it, yeah, we can. I don’t want to stop,” he agreed, then grabbed hold of her arms to pull her down next to him, swiftly rolling over to kneel astride her. The unexpected movement made Glimmer shriek with a mixture of shock and excitement, both giggling as their passion heightened. The two of them paused for a moment, looking deep into each other’s eyes.

“You want to do this thing?” she shuffled her body a little to make herself more comfortable.

“Heck yes!”

With the anticipation sending electricity through his body, he watched with eyes full of wonder as Glimmer removed her top, throwing it across the room without any thought to where it would land. She met his awed gaze with a flirtatious smile, her hands fumbling around behind her back in a scramble to free herself of clothing.

“Fuck’s sake,” she groaned, trying to get a grip on the clasp of her bra, but succeeding only in pinging it against her body. She sighed in defeat, silently berating herself for killing the mood, and twisted herself round slightly, “Ugh. Can you…?”

“Hm? Oh, yeah, sure…” it took a moment for a distracted Bow to realise what she was asking of him, but he wasted no further time in helping her out.

“I’m sorry it’s not a sexy one or anything. I didn’t really expect to… well, you know.”

“I think it’s pretty. Just like you…. And, got it!” he announced proudly. She blushed as he admired her half-naked form, “Wow, Glimmer, you are amazing.”

“So, uh… how do you want to do this?”

“Well… I’m going to start by-”

A loud, frantic knocking startled them both. Despite the frustration that even _considering_ stopping would generate in them, they halted to try and work out what it was. The second set of bangs were louder and more desperate, and with the benefit of the calmer environment, it became clear that there was someone at the front door.

“Shh, they’ll go away in the moment,” Bow whispered, freezing in place.

“BOW?! Are you in? I can see a light on, I… I need help.”

The young man’s eyes grew wide, “Oh God, that’s Adora. And she doesn’t sound too good. I’ve got to let her in, Glim.”

“You can’t bring her in here!” Glimmer hissed, “I’ve got my tits out and… I don’t know if I’m quite ready to let everyone know about us.”

“Hide then!”

“Hide? Are you fucking crazy?!”

“There’s enough room in the cupboard under the stairs. I’ll try not to take very long, I promise,” he stood upright, giving her his best puppydog eyes and pointing her towards the closet before raising his voice to let Adora know he was home, “Just a minute!”

Glimmer scrambled around to pick up her top and concealed herself in the cupboard, not before rolling her eyes and growling at Bow to show her disapproval. She’d had fantasies of this moment for years – the incident last year didn’t count in her view and she could barely remember it anyway – and they’d come so close, but somehow she was now hiding in a closet from her best friend. If she wasn't so frustrated, it would almost have been funny.

“Adora, we were worried…” Bow began as he opened the door, his expression changing immediately when he saw the state of her. Her face was encrusted with dried blood and covered in bruising, her clothes ripped, and she had clearly been crying, “Oh my God, what the hell happened?”

“I need your help, Bow,” she started to lose her composure for a moment, but bravely fought the tears off, “Can I come in?”

“Of course, of course,” he beckoned her inside, gently leading her to the living room where she sat down, “Should I call an ambulance? Or the police? What’s been going on?”

She shook her head, “No, they already know. It’s… is it alright if I stay here tonight?”

This put Bow on the spot and his mind kicked into high gear working out the logistics. He couldn’t turn Adora away in that state, but Glimmer wasn’t able to hide in a cupboard overnight. He’d have to get Adora to bed first, make sure she was asleep and then… No, that wouldn’t work. She probably wouldn’t sleep easily in that state. Maybe Glimmer could stay on the sofa and wake up early to leave? But he didn’t want her to leave. Or perhaps-

“Bow, please?”

“Sorry, yes. Yes, of course,” he jolted back to reality, realising his concern for her was more important, “Can I get you anything?”

Adora sniffled, “I need a hug.”

“You don’t need to ask twice,” he perched alongside her and encircled Adora with his arms, holding her tightly and whispering into her ear, “Please tell me what’s happening?”

The young woman’s initial response was to squeeze him, pulling him closer to comfort herself. For several minutes, the stillness of the room was punctuated only by her crying. Bow held his tongue, not wanting to push her to talk before she was ready.

“It’s Catra…” she began shakily; even saying her name made Adora’s stomach sink.

“Did she do this to you? It’s OK, you’re safe here, I won’t let her come anywhere near you.”

“No, no… Hordak did this to me. She came to save me.”

“Oh God, Hordak? Wait… did something happen to Catra?” Bow gasped as an awful thought crossed his mind.

“She’s alive,” Adora shrugged, “But I think it would have been easier if she wasn’t.”

“Hey, don’t talk like that! I’m sure whatever’s gone on, you can work it out. She’s not a bad person.”

Adora wiped her eyes, straining to search for the words to explain, “She killed a kid, Bow.”

“WHAT THE FUCK?!”

Adora jumped at hearing Glimmer’s voice. Glimmer herself did too, not expecting to have been as loud as she was. Recognising that her cover was blown, she emerged from the cupboard and guiltily entered the living room, where a perplexed Adora squinted at her.

“Ah, um… Glimmer’s here too. So that's fun!”

* * *

“Holy shit, Adora,” Glimmer’s summary of the story she and Bow had just been told was succinct but encapsulated their reaction well. They could understand the turmoil Adora was going through – finding out your girlfriend had been, at best, negligent to the point that someone died was never going to be an easy thing to deal with.

“And I don’t even know what to do now,” Adora sighed wearily. The weight of what had already taken place that evening was one thing, but where she went from here was a mountain that she was in no frame of mind to climb.

Bow gave her a sympathetic half-smile, “I think you should talk to her, at least.”

“No, I can’t… I don’t even know her anymore. My Catra – the one I love – is a lie, Bow.”

“She’s not – Catra’s still the same person you love. I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but she is. We all know her past is… well, not exactly admirable. But don’t you think that who she is now is more important? The real Catra is the one you wake up next to every day, the one who cares about her friends and goes out of her way to make you happy. She loves you, Adora, she loves you more than anything. And I know better than anyone that no matter your past, you _can_ change who you become. I can’t change that spent the first twenty years of my life as a girl, but it doesn’t mean that I am one now.”

“Bow’s right,” Glimmer nodded in agreement, “Last year I did some pretty awful things – and yes, I know nobody died but, honestly, that was down to pure luck. I drove you both several times when I was in no state to do so. I guess the crash was almost inevitable, and I consider myself so lucky that you’re alive. And… I’ve never mentioned this to either of you, but I have dreams where I’m back in that hospital and I get told you’re dead, Adora. It’s horrible. Sometimes I wake up crying and I send you a text just to make sure you’re OK. It would have destroyed me if I’d killed you, but the person I am now would never put you in danger. And then there’s you, Adora. When I first met you, you were deep in depression, but you fought so hard to beat it. I’m proud of you, and I know how much you battled to get away from that and get better. Don’t you think we’re better than the people we were?”

Adora winced. She didn’t deserve that praise, not after tonight. She wasn’t ‘better’ – would someone who is ‘better’ have broken down like she did? Would they have gone straight to hurting themselves as the first option for dealing with difficult things? “Yeah, well… I almost cut myself earlier.”

“But you didn’t!” Bow interjected, patting her on the shoulder, “And that’s proof that you’re doing well. The old you wouldn’t have given it a second thought. Please, Adora, don’t feel bad that you had the urge – feel good that you didn’t give in.”

“I can’t feel good about anything. I bet Catra doesn’t even realise how much she hurt me.”

“Youuuuu… may have the chance to tell her soon…” Glimmer pursed her lips, looking away from her friends.

“Glimmer, what did you do?” Bow demanded, though he was fairly sure he had already sussed it out.

She answered quietly, “I may have sent her a message saying you were here.”

“Why would you do that?! I DON’T want to see her!”

“You need to talk to her!”

As if on cue, the doorbell rang, sparking an unexpected sensation of fear in Adora. She turned away from everyone, resting her chin on the arm of the sofa and staring into the corner of the room – there was no way she could face Catra, not after what she’d done. Even as Bow led her into the lounge, Adora made no attempt to acknowledge Catra’s presence.

“We’re going to go upstairs so that you two can talk,” Bow latched on to Glimmer’s arm, pulling her from the chair she was sat in, “Let me know if you two need anything.”

“Thanks Bow,” Catra watched the two leave before sitting down next to Adora, who shuffled even further away from her, “Are you OK, Adora?”

She shrugged, making no other effort to communicate. Catra understood why – she couldn’t really blame her girlfriend for not wanting to talk to her after what had taken place. Nonetheless, she had a lot she needed to say, and pressed on, hoping that a small part of Adora was willing to listen.

“I know you must be having a lot of horrible thoughts about me right now. Trust me when I say, it was the worst thing I’ve ever done. I’m not going to defend it at all, except to say that Hordak was wrong – I swear on my life I did not deliberately let Sammie die. You need to understand that, Adora, please. If you ignore everything else, I did _not_ intentionally kill her.”

“Sure.”

“After you left, I had a lot of time to think while I was waiting in the police station to give my statement. Tonight made me realise that I’d broken the promise I made to myself – that I was going to honour her memory by living the life she should have had. She was honest; if I truly wanted to do right by her, I should have been too. I should have told you. Hiding it was selfish, it was… I guess it was almost like I was trying to pretend she never existed, and Sammie deserves better than that – heck _you_ deserve better than that.

“That night was the lowest time in my life, but it was also a turning point. I needed to be a better person than the junkie who didn’t even notice someone dying next to her. It’s not a stretch to say that I’m only alive because of her. I worked so hard to get off the drugs, to make her proud, and I found you on the way – you’re the best thing that ever happened to me, and I’d never have met you if she didn’t give me the motivation to get clean. So I’m asking for your forgiveness, Adora. Not for Sammie’s death, because I can’t and won’t ever forgive myself for that, but for keeping it from you. I made a huge mistake, it was driven by shame, but I promise you I’ll never do anything like again. I love you, Adora, and I can’t live without you. Please forgive me.”

Adora silently digested Catra’s words for a short while, before an ironic laugh escaped her lips, “You know, I got the best news of my life earlier today. I was going to tell you all at dinner, but it seems completely pointless now. But you might as well know - I got a phone call today offering me a job. Like, a proper one.”

“That’s brilliant! I’m so proud of you.”

“Please, don’t. I could have said yes there and then, but it was in Alwyn, and I wanted to talk to you about it.”

Catra tilted her head, “Bit of a trek. What’s that, an hour’s commute each way?”

“If I still lived here, yeah. I was trying to work out whether to turn them down, take it and commute, or just move there. But I think all this has made my decision for me: I’m going. This city is horrible – every day there’s some new awful thing in the news. It’s full of drugs and shitty people and… more than that, it’s full of awful memories. For both of us.

“Look, Catra, when I ran out earlier, I was angry that you kept something so big from me. I felt like our life together was all a lie. But I think I’m starting to realise that I was afraid – afraid that my feelings for you were wrong, that I was mistaken in loving you. And that’s my greatest fear, the thought of not loving you anymore is terrifying. Bow and Glimmer told me that who we are now is more important than our past, and maybe they’re right. I thought I was running away from the old you, but I couldn't have done. She's gone; she was replaced by the Catra who would _never_ do anything like that, and I think I forgot that. I know you can’t change your past, but you _can_ change your future.

“So let’s change the future, Catra. Let’s leave this all behind. A new home, a fresh start somewhere else where we aren’t bogged down with the past. We need to get away from all the shit, all the horrible memories, all the crap that makes us miserable. We could build a life for ourselves where we don’t have to worry about our past coming back to hurt us. Come with me?”

“To Alwyn?” Catra placed her hand on Adora’s and looked her in the eye, seeing the tears form, “Adora, I would follow you to the ends of the Earth. It doesn’t matter if we have a house here or there, or wherever, I’m home as long as I have you. Of course I’ll come with you.”

Adora attempted to laugh through the sobbing that had engulfed her once again. This time though, there was no despair, no sadness; this time she was crying with relief, “You sound like a bad romance novel.”

“I know…” Catra’s voice turned to a high-pitched whine as the dam holding back her own tears began to give way, “Can I have a hug?”

Her girlfriend nodded frantically and threw her body forward to envelop Catra in a tearful embrace that neither of them wanted to end. They were both painfully aware of how they’d almost lost each other that evening, and to hold one another was a comfort they greatly needed – a reminder that they were not alone, that they accepted their pasts and had become better people. Neither of them moved for what felt like a welcome eternity as they cried themselves empty, before Adora laid Catra’s head across her lap and gazed into her eyes, the light still sparkling off the drying tears.

“You know what I don’t get?” she idly ran her fingers through the girl’s hair, “How did the police know where to find us?”

Catra gave the slightest laugh, “Apparently a ‘concerned neighbour’ rang them to say they were worried about me. Then someone called them later to report hearing a gun shot and they put two and two together and somehow came up with four.”

“’Concerned neighbour’?”

“Yeah… we’re gonna have to owe Mermista big time.”

“We can invite her to our new place. When we get around to it,” Adora bent forward to kiss her on the nose, getting a squeak in response, “I can’t wait.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And everything is fine! Sort of...
> 
> Originally this was the grand finale of the whole series, and the next part was going to be an epilogue set five years in the future - a kind of 'where are they now?' thing. But since then I've had so many more ideas, that while the next part will remain five years on, it's far from the end! So I guess in a way, this is more like the end of the whole 'living in the city of Etheria and everyone's pasts haunting them' arc and we'll move on to the 'everyone is living their best life' arc - although that's not to say it'll be plain sailing. Quite the opposite, given the outlines and things I've written for it. I'm sure you will all love it though.


End file.
